I'm Not Going To Lie--I'm Terrified

I've wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember, except for a brief stint in 9th grade when I thought I wanted to be a journalist. When I was little I'd put a pointy fake nail on my index finger and waggle my finger at pretend students who didn't do their homework. As I grew a bit older, I started to organize papers during play time and stamp them with "good job!" or give the pages big red "A"s. I even kept a Christopher Columbus project pack from 2nd grade just in case I could use it in my classroom. 2nd grade and I'm still hanging on to it. 

I didn't go to college right out of high school. To say that it was a regret of mine would be a lie. I would not have the good job I have now, and I may not have gone down the path in life that lead me to be Dave's wife and Nibbler and Squishee's momma. I wouldn't trade the best years of a college life for that. It took me 6 years to complete my undergrad degree and along the way I had to drop my education minor and pick up a literature minor in its place. It didn't matter what curve ball life threw at me, I took it in stride, with a little stress and anxiety, haha. 

Once I earned my degree, I immediately enrolled back into the grad program for my certification in teaching. I never thought twice about working hard for my dreams. I also never thought twice about actually achieving the dream. But here I am a week away from student teaching and it's really happening.  I'm terrified guys. Absolutely, stomach churning, fear creeping, doubt gut punching terrified. There are so many "what ifs" floating around in my head and I don't have an answer for any of them. What if I bomb at teaching? What if I say something that ends up failing me? What if I hate this?  This isn't going to stop me. Fear and self doubt are the biggest dream killers. A friend of mine, who is also a coworker said it best when she said most dreams fail because of the person giving up, not because of life.  I repeat, this will not stop me. But my feelings about this won't be stopped too. So for now, until I'm in the throes of teaching, I am forced to sit and wallow in them. I hope I prove them wrong, and shut them up once and for all. 

End of the Week Roundup

Another weekend is upon us! Tonight is my lip sync battle birthday party, to say that I am excited would not even cover it. One more week until my birthday! 
But enough about what's coming up, here's the recap to this week:
1. Friday I had lunch with my mom and she surprised me by not only bringing my dad along for the lunch but also her best friend who brought kayaks! We didn't get to kayak while on my lunch break but we did have one of the most enjoyable lunches by the lake, then after work we all came back and kayaked for a little while. 

2. Saturday night Dave and I had dinner with his brother Eric and his girlfriend Ashlie. It was an enjoyable evening and Ashlie introduced me to Rent the Runway, which I now makes me want to go to ALL the fancy places and rent outfits for them. I rented a birthday outfit for my dinner in the city next week so we shall see how it turns out. I promise you this: you will hear all about it :) 

3. Sunday was a lazy day. Dave was helping his brother finish off his shed so I stayed home by myself and binge watched Ally McBeal. I remember loving that show when I was in high school and I'm happy to say that I still enjoy it. I was obsessed with Robert Downey Jr then and I'm not going to lie, I can't wait to watch him in the show that made me that way all over again. 

4. Sunday night was also the night that Ashley updated my blog layout. What do you think of it? She just had her daughter, Grace,  Tuesday and I'm so happy for her!  5. Wednesday was the first day back to school for me and it was also the day I got a mole removed from my leg. Me and needles don't mesh well and I've never had stitches before so it was a mentally exhaustive day. 

6. Thursday my momma and I met up for lunch again and she brought beautiful roses for me! 

And something new I thought I'd try...here are some links to some interesting tidbits I came across this week: Certain articles of clothing like underwear I always make sure to wash before I wear it the first time, but most things I don't. How important is it exactly to wash clothes before you wear them? 
Do you ever wonder what would be in the suitcase of a mental patient at an insane asylum? Wonder no more....
I'm slightly obsessed with Cracked and their articles. This one about insane "As Seen on TV" products was an interesting read. 
How did your week go? Any interesting articles/links to share?

By The Numbers

I borrowed this post from Steph at Life According to Steph, thank you very much!

1 1/2- Number of weeks I have left before I student teach

1,000,000- Number of butterflies that flutter in my stomach every time I think about it

154,605 - Miles on my car

2- Number of times I've been ziplining

42 - Books I've read so far in 2015. I'm on number 43 and 44 as we speak.

47 - Books I read in 2014

21 - Books I read in 2013

4- The number of siblings I have

9 - The day of the month that I got married

11- Number of States Dave and I have visited together. 

4- My favorite number, also the day of my birthday

44- My field hockey number when I played for a year in 8th grade. I thought doubling my favorite number would bring me luck. I consider not breaking any bones lucky, so I guessed it worked. 

1- Number of years and sports I ever played in my life

0 - Broken bones 

6- Number of years it took me to complete my bachelors degree

Care to share some of yourself by the numbers?

Birthday Wish List

It's official, my birthday is less than two weeks away. It all depends on what day you ask me whether or not I'm okay with the idea of turning 30. The one thing I am okay with is dreaming up a list of all the things I'd put on my gift wish list for my birthday. It's completely self fulfilling, I know but it's my birthday and I'll blog about all the gifts if I want to (I hope you heard the song in your head....that was the intention haha).

Cards Against Humanity

I'm all about board games and luckily I have friends that are too. I have yet to be able to play this game but everyone who has raves about it and it looks so funny. Plus, this would give me a great game to play during game night with my friends and laugh our asses off. 

Cast Iron Skillet

I made it to 30 without owning a cast iron skillet. Is that even legal? I have Le Cruset's dutch oven in Caribbean and its one of my favorite pieces of equipment in the kitchen. I think it needs a partner. 

Jewelry Racks

I have been lusting after these jewelry racks on Etsy for a long time. Dave could probably make them but it would take a lot of whining and grovelling on my part first before it happened. 

Kate Spade Glitter Studs

Oh Kate Spade how I adore thee. I haven't had a chance to really talk about it yet but I recently purchased a Kate Spade purse which ended up being quite literally the most perfect purse in the world for me. If you remember a little while back, I was looking for the perfect purse and Kate's bag fit the bill. Anyway, I'm now just slightly obsessed and these studs are looked at on a daily basis. Someday they will be in my ears, someday. 

Sizzix Cutting Machine

There are so many new quilts I could create with this machine, including one that's been bopping around in my head for months. I'll end up purchasing it  in the future if I don't get it soon from someone else anyway, since I need it to create circles and if there's one thing this girl can't do, it's cut a decent circle in fabric. 

Modern Rainbow Quilt Book and Cabin Fever Quilt Book

Quilting books, do I really need to say more? Haha I recently created a rainbow chevron quilt (see it here) and that created a current obsession with creating more colorful, modern quilts. 

Ribbon Ladder

I'm also beginning to create more rompers and bears, both of which require ribbons. I made a makeshift ribbon holder but it doesn't look at organized as this nor does it look as nice. This would look great in my sewing room. 

And there you have it, my birthday wish list! 

15 in '15 August Update

I am officially done the 15 in '15 list! Whoo hoo! I always enjoy creating this list (well this and the '14 list haha), it's a great way for me to read some books that have been in my "To Read" pile for a while and I find that it also motivates me to read more. 

Clan of the Cave Bear

This month I "read" Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean Auel. I attempted to physically read the book and got 3 pages in and gave up. It was just too descriptive for my taste, but Dave's grandmother gave me this book and raved about how much she loves it, so I felt like it was important to attempt to finish it. To do that, I rented the audio book from the library, and I'm so glad I did. I would have never gotten through the book trying to read it, but the descriptiveness of the story lent to a really great audio book. 

Clan of the Cave Bear tells the story of Ayla, an "other" who looks and sounds like a modern day human (as much as you can for someone from the very distant past) and her interactions with a clan of people who are the more traditional cavemen that we think of. Auel clearly spent a copious amount of time researching cave people for this story, and that lends to a very very interesting read. I learned so much more about cavemen from reading this one book than I've learned in school. However, there are times when the book reads like a textbook, for example, she lists different plants in ridiculous detail. Let's just say there were a few times that I skipped a track or ten. But with all that aside, the story was very enjoyable and I definitely recommend picking it up, but I would recommend audio versus regular book.  

Here's the complete list (links will go to the post that I wrote about the book):

1. Sharp Objects

2. TV Gods
3. A Discovery of Witches
4. The Thousand Dollar Tan Line
5. The Serpent of Venice
6. I Don't Know What You Know Me From
7. Big Fish
8. Orange is the New Black
9. American Gods
10. Dead Until Dark
11. The Great Gatsby
12. The Glass Castle
13. Pride and Prejudice
14. Insurgent
15. The Clan of the Cave Bear
16. Paddle Your Own Canoe

I'm on Goodreads, if you'd like to add me.

Things I Should Have Learned by Now

In less than 3 weeks I will be 30. Try as I might to slow down time, it's fast approaching. Part of me doesn't mind the idea of being 30 but there is another part of me that is dreading it. There are things that I had hoped to achieve before 30. I also thought I would be a little wiser by the time 30 hit. There are certain things that I should have learned by now that I just haven't. True, I do have another 3 weeks to learn it but if I haven't by now I probably won't. 

My biggest mistake in life was stressing when my plans didn't go the way I had expected them to. I thought that my 20s would be spent setting up the life I wanted to live and then in my 30s I could enjoy the fruits of my labor. This meant that I would be done school, started in my career in teaching, married, living in my dream house with 2 kids. 

I started freaking out when I was 27 and realized I wouldn't be teaching until I was in my early thirties, if I was lucky. I really started freaking out when I hit 29 and had been trying for my first baby with no luck. Panic set in when I realized that I would probably not own my dream house until I was in my 50s because of impending student loans (still panicking on this one). 

The lesson I should have learned from all this? Appreciate what I have accomplished. It may not be my dream house, but I do own a home, I may not be teaching, but I at least have my bachelors degree, I may not have a baby but I do have a husband who has shown me time and time again how much he loves me. I should have learned by now to stop freaking out when things don't go as planned. Things never go  as planned but when I look back on life and think about what has happened so far, it all worked out in the end.  

You'd think by the time I hit 30 I would have also learned patience by now, but I haven't. With everything that's happened so far, I'm still as stubborn as when I first started,  not understanding why things aren't going the way I hope they would. Taking a step back and letting what will be, will be. Just let go. Give up control of everything and just enjoy the ride.

I haven't yet, but I still have 3 weeks. Greater miracles have happened, right?

End of the Week Roundup

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts! I used to enjoy doing them because it reminded me to be grateful for the little moments from each week. 

1. Friday night was dinner with Aunt Penny and Uncle Chuck. Good food and great company is always the best way to start a weekend!

2. Saturday I spent the day sewing this romper together for a friend's baby's 1st birthday. I got the pattern off of Etsy. The first few days after I made the romper, I'm not going to lie I couldn't stop looking at it, I loved it so much. It was my second time trying a piece of clothing and the first time it turned out as well as it had. I definitely plan to make more to sell soon. 

3. Sunday was spent working on more sewing projects, like this t-shirt quilt in the making and a bear, while Dave installed our new window. 

4. Monday afternoon I met the teacher that I will be student teaching with and she seems really cool, so I have a feeling it'll be a great experience. Monday evening was the last teen book club I'll be hosting. I decided to step down a few months earlier because I knew there was a pretty good chance I would be student teaching. Next month we will meet one more time to have a goodbye party. This month we talked about the last book in the Divergent series, Allegiant. 

5. Wednesday night we went out to dinner with my in laws since it was my father in law's birthday. The meal was delicious!

6. Thursday night I was back at the school I'll be teaching at for "Meet the Teacher" night. It was really fun to meet a few of the students and chat with my host teacher. I'm very excited/nervous for what is to come!

That's all for this week, how was your week?

Fun with the Camera- Part II

A few weeks ago my friends Sheena and Kelly got married. They trusted me to take pictures for the wedding and while I still have a ton to learn (like not being in the way--photographers should be stealthy!) In the year that I've gotten my camera, I've definitely learned how to be comfortable with it (learning photo editing helps!) but I still haven't gone manual, which is a goal of mine. 

Anyway, I think the pictures turned out great! I decided to share a few of my favorites with you today. 

Saved the best for last! This is my favorite picture. Ever. 

Thanks for taking the time to check out my pictures! Come back Friday for a new End of the Week Roundup post, the first in three months!

What I Read

Funny story...I got a little overzealous with checking out audio books at the library and ordered two books that are each 17 and 25 discs long. For someone who only listens to the CD on her half hour ride into work and then home, it's taking me a while to even get through one of the books. The good news is I'm almost done the first one, which is Clan of the Cave Bear, the last of my 15 in '15 reading list, and my library has a really easy renew button on their website for the other book. 

I enjoyed linking up with Jana and Steph so much last month, I decided to do it again! Here's what I read this month:

All Fall Down by Jennifer Weiner- this is the first Weiner book I've read, although I have several more on my list to read. The book was good, it was definitely a slow read and nothing major happens to grip you, but Weiner depicts the struggle a upper class woman who pops pills very well. In real life, there normally isn't some massive moment for them so it makes sense that there would not be one here. I would recommend this book to someone who enjoys reading several books and wouldn't get hung up on this one (so pretty much any of you participating in the linkup! haha).

Before We Met by Lucie Whitehouse- I picked this book up because I needed to find a thriller book like Gone Girl, You, or The Girl on the Train. They're my new favorite genre to read. This book fell flat, so flat if you turned it sideways it would disappear. I knew the ending before I finished the second chapter it was so predictable, even with the "twist" that the author wrote into the book to throw you off.  Whitehouse is a British author so the mannerisms of her characters were very different too and it was kinda frustrating at times. 

I really had hope for the premise of this book and it didn't live up to it. Lucky for me, it was a short read so I wasn't too disappointed in wasting my time on it. If you don't mind the predictability of this story, it wouldn't hurt to pick it up, just don't go into it with high expectations, and maybe you'll enjoy it more than I did. 

Uganda Be Kidding Me by Chelsea Handler- I have read all of Chelsea Handler's books and have loved them all. This book felt like she was phoning it it. There were times when the story she was sharing didn't make sense or just rambled on, and I could literally feel the times when she was just like aw f**k it and crapped out a paragraph. If you didn't compare this book to her others it wouldn't have been so bad, it's not a terrible book, you can just tell her enthusiasm has waned since she first started writing and now she writes for a paycheck. 

That's what I read this month, what did you read?

I'm on Goodreads by the way, and I love new friends!