I'm Not Going To Lie--I'm Terrified

I've wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember, except for a brief stint in 9th grade when I thought I wanted to be a journalist. When I was little I'd put a pointy fake nail on my index finger and waggle my finger at pretend students who didn't do their homework. As I grew a bit older, I started to organize papers during play time and stamp them with "good job!" or give the pages big red "A"s. I even kept a Christopher Columbus project pack from 2nd grade just in case I could use it in my classroom. 2nd grade and I'm still hanging on to it. 

I didn't go to college right out of high school. To say that it was a regret of mine would be a lie. I would not have the good job I have now, and I may not have gone down the path in life that lead me to be Dave's wife and Nibbler and Squishee's momma. I wouldn't trade the best years of a college life for that. It took me 6 years to complete my undergrad degree and along the way I had to drop my education minor and pick up a literature minor in its place. It didn't matter what curve ball life threw at me, I took it in stride, with a little stress and anxiety, haha. 

Once I earned my degree, I immediately enrolled back into the grad program for my certification in teaching. I never thought twice about working hard for my dreams. I also never thought twice about actually achieving the dream. But here I am a week away from student teaching and it's really happening.  I'm terrified guys. Absolutely, stomach churning, fear creeping, doubt gut punching terrified. There are so many "what ifs" floating around in my head and I don't have an answer for any of them. What if I bomb at teaching? What if I say something that ends up failing me? What if I hate this?  This isn't going to stop me. Fear and self doubt are the biggest dream killers. A friend of mine, who is also a coworker said it best when she said most dreams fail because of the person giving up, not because of life.  I repeat, this will not stop me. But my feelings about this won't be stopped too. So for now, until I'm in the throes of teaching, I am forced to sit and wallow in them. I hope I prove them wrong, and shut them up once and for all. 

Confessions

Photo by this guy (gratisography), who offers free photos on his website. Thank you good sir!

1. I wish I could draw a perfect circle every time. 

2. I hate that I cannot be completely submerged in a bathtub and that's why I never take baths. The tub in my current home is short so if my legs are submerged then the upper half of me is not, and if I want the upper half submerged then that means my legs are out of the tub. This is not how baths should be taken. 

A dramatic retelling of what I look like when I attempt to bathe in my tub

3. My Aunt Steph, as many of you know, is one of my favorite aunts. We always joke that I'm actually her daughter because we look, sound and act alike. I've always been very sensitive when it comes to her. When she told me she was moving to New Holland when I was 6 or 7, I thought she meant Holland (kudos to me for knowing Holland existed at that age) and bawled. When she took a cruise to Bermuda when I was around that age, I swore she was going to be lost to the Bermuda Triangle and I had nightmares the entire time she was gone. 

4. I attempted to play an old game on my Game Cube and I remembered very quickly why I stopped playing it so many years ago. #gotstuckonthetutoriallevel #fail

5. I take way too much pleasure in my new salad tongs. They're nothing special but they make me so damn happy. 

I can't find an exact match but these are close enough

Do you have anything to confess?